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Preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage
For Catholics, effective marriage education is grounded in attention to marriage
as vocation and the responsibility each person has to helping the other get to heaven.
This obvious theological grounding attends to living out the faith which necessarily
includes teaching directed to the many practical aspects of life. Each diocese handles
marriage preparation differently but the end-goal is the same: a happy, healthy,
faith-filled, lifelong commitment.
Course Structure
Marriage prep courses typically include information on theology and spirituality,
communication, intimacy and finances. Classes may be a single day, a whole weekend
or a series of seminars spread over a few weeks. The Archdiocese of Omaha
offers a variety of married preparation options including evening sessions, one-
and two-day and weekend (Catholic Engaged Encounter) programs. At St. Margaret Mary Catholic
Church in Winter Park, FL, Sr. Virginia West and a colleague, Sr. Patricia
O’Malley, both marriage and family therapists, offer a full-day course. They use
Money Habitudes cards along with what they consider to be the best pieces from a
number of different programs to teach a class to 35 couples at a time.
"We're using the PREP personality, some stuff from Meyers-Briggs, some communication
material from Michele Weiner-Davis. We've gleaned from different programs in what
we've chosen to put into this weekend," says West, adding that, "We had not originally
been doing that much on a finance piece, but we got the sense that it was needed
so that's why we started using the Money Habitudes cards."
Money in Marriage
"Set within the context of the Catholic faith, three important
topics for consideration in marriage preparation are time, sex and money. Catholics
approach all of life as stewardship which means everything is seen as gift: life
itself, the time we’re granted in this life and the available tangible resources
including money. Finance is an area that concerns couples throughout the course
of their marriage. It's important for couples to understand how they approach the
handling of all of these gifts both as individuals and as a married couple,"
says Valerie Conzett, D.Min., LPC, director of the Family Life Office in the Archdiocese
of Omaha.
The Role of Money Habitudes
Both West and Conzett devote a section of their marriage preparation courses to
the handling of finances. Both also incorporate Money Habitudes to help individuals
better understand themselves and their partners related to money. Both have used
the cards in smaller groups and individualized sessions for couples.
"We use the Money Habitudes as a way to learn about the style each of them brings
to handling money. It's just one piece of what we do for finance, but it's a great,
hands-on piece. It gets them active. It's not just a lecture but an activity which
gets them involved with the subject area," says Conzett.
West says that many of her attendees have never talked about money, even though
they are about to get married or, in the case of convalidation, are civilly married.
"It's a fun format. The couples are learning something about
their fiancé, but they're also learning something about themselves. I like the positive
approach that Money Habitudes offers in that it's not saying that anything is right
or wrong; it's just helping them understand a little bit about themselves. That’s
important!" says Conzett."It's a fun format. The couples are learning something
about their fiancé, but they're also learning something about themselves. I like
the positive approach that Money Habitudes offers in that it's not saying that anything
is right or wrong; it's just helping them understand a little bit about themselves.
That’s important!" says Conzett.
Using Money Habitudes Cards
After an introduction to the role of money in marriage, everyone in the class sorts
his or her own deck of Money Habitudes cards at the same time. West's church has
a large number of Spanish-speaking participants and she realized that having some
Spanish versions of the cards would make the process faster and easier in cases
where both people in the couple don't read English well.
"Then we talk about the different types and what they mean and try to help them
to see there are differences. It's not that this one is better than the other. When
they're making decisions in their life, they need to look at where they're coming
from, both from their habits and their attitudes, and how they need to talk about
that as they make choices," says West.
Carrying forward the idea that the class is meant to allow couples to focus on themselves,
West has them talk among themselves rather than try to foster discussion among a
large group. She also gives the couples worksheets from the Professional Guide so
they have something to refer to when they go home and can thus continue the conversation.
"People seemed to get a lot from it. They've really enjoyed the cards," says West.
More than Money
"I think they liked the idea of looking at their differences more from habits and
attitudes. I think it helped them to be less judgmental of each other by just getting
a sense of where this is coming from with them – from their family when they were
growing up – and their attitudes towards money. I think what it did for them is
it took it off the actual money piece, per se, and got the communication going better
around 'how we're going to use money or not use money.' The feedback we got on that
was good," says West.
Similarly, Conzett sees how the same conversation has deeper, more far-reaching
applications.
"The value of the cards is the opportunity to better understand yourself and, in
marriage education, how that will impact your life as a married couple. The cards
can be used in a variety of settings. We help prepare well over 1,000 couples a
year for marriage in the Archdiocese of Omaha. We take our role in this preparation
seriously. We also realize that some of the education we provide these couples has
value for people served in our other ministry areas. For instance, people who have
been newly married and long married, as well as those who are single, separated,
widowed or divorced could benefit from learning about their approach to handling
finances. Money Habitudes could be used in all of these ministry settings. The value
of Money Habitudes is self-awareness. How organizations build on this value is best
determined by the program’s goals and the organization’s attention to particular
audiences.”
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